Seth Meyers


Last quote by Seth Meyers

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're gonna throw me under the carriage like that? You're gonna make me the slave guy, really? You're on the one [dollar bill] and the quarter! I'm on the nickel and the two-dollar bill! Joke money! Our country is the legacy that we've risked our lives to
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NEW Aug 18 2017 Saturday Night Live
Seth Meyers has most recently been quoted in an article called Late-night hosts on Trump: 'He feels regret as often as he feels Melania’s touch'. Seth Meyers said, “Of course he is. Trump is incapable of feeling regret. Trump feels regret as often as he feels Melania's touch. So basically, all the things that happen to a president every day. Trump's aides talk about him like he's a caged gorilla at the zoo. But not all of Trump's aides and allies tried to distance themselves from Trump's unhinged press conference. There's also Trump's chief strategist Steve Bannon, whose ties to white nationalists are well known, which is odd because no one disproves the idea that white people are a master race more than Steve Bannon.”. Seth Meyers has been quoted a grand total of 115 times in 54 articles.
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Seth Meyers quotes

Aug 15 2017

Now, white supremacists and American Nazis are visible and energetic and demonstrative in a way we've not seen in our

Aug 15 2017 - Extremism

Even though The Tonight Show isn't a political show, it's my responsibility to stand up against violence and extremism as a human

Aug 15 2017

The leader of our country is called the president because he's supposed to preside over society. His job is to lead, to cajole, to scold, to correct our path, to lift up what is good about us, and to absolutely and unequivocally and immediately condemn what is evil in us. And if he does not do that, if he does not preside over a society, then he is not a

Aug 15 2017

It's really hard to come off as an intimidating mob when you got torches from your mom's patio. In fact, this display was so vile that even the makers of tiki torches came out and condemned the white supremacists, issuing a statement yesterday that read, TIKI brand is not associated with the events that took place in Charlottesville. We do not support their

Aug 15 2017 - Ku Klux Klan

Just a reminder, this guy thinks he's a member of a master race when in fact he's Beavis's rotting corpse. So, you've got the former leader of the KKK saying explicitly that the Nazis and white supremacist who rallied in Charlottesville were doing so in Donald Trump's name. Normally, you might think any president or any decent human being would want to swiftly and unequivocally disavow him. In this case, we also happen to have a president who has no problem quickly condemning things when he feels like

Aug 15 2017

It took two days for Turmp to say that. In fact, it would've taken less time to literally order a DVD copy of Do the Right

Aug 15 2017 - Trump Presidency

Trump has a permanent hard-on for condemnation, and yet when it came time to condemn white supremacists and Nazis it was limp dick city. After two days of relentless public pressure, the president finally got around to saying specifically, Nazis are

Aug 15 2017

After two days of intense public pressure, today the president was finally willing to say that Nazis are bad. Saturday's violence in Charlottesville was preceded on Friday by white supremacists marching on the UVA grounds using Nazi slogans and salutes and, in a photo you've probably seen by now, holding tiki

Aug 15 2017 - Trump Presidency

There should be no doubt about who these people were or what they believed in. They told us in their own words and actions with Confederate flags, Nazi flags, Nazi slogans and Nazi salutes. And just to make it perfectly clear who these vile bigots think their allies are, here's former KKK leader David Duke, who also showed up in Charlottesville. Remember, Trump at first refused to reject Duke's endorsement during the campaign and Duke picked up what Trump was putting down loud and

Aug 12 2017 - Trump Presidency

Even Trump is scared by what he's saying–look at him, he's literally hugging

Aug 11 2017 - Trump Presidency

You know, if you don't want people to start taking drugs, stop making them think the end of the world is

Aug 11 2017 - Trump Presidency

Sleep well tonight? We haven't been sleeping well since November. Other Trump aides even went a step further than Tillerson, essentially telling the rest of the world not to take Trump seriously. One aide told a reporter for Politico, Fire and fury was not carefully vetted language form Trump. Don't read too much into

Aug 11 2017 - Trump Presidency

So naturally, hearing that some of his aides and advisers might have been trying to tone things down, Trump went back in front of the camera today and doubled down, insisting that his original comment might not have been tough

Aug 11 2017 - Trump Presidency

And you can tell Trump was familiar with the facts from the ingenious plan he came up with for stopping the opioid

Aug 10 2017 - North Korea

The international community is struggling to contain the rapidly escalating threats of North Korea's nuclear program. And one big obstacle they're facing is the fact that no one takes the president of the United States seriously. It's an extremely tense, delicate situation that requires calm diplomacy and sober deliberation. Unfortunately, we elected a human bullhorn with a corn syrup addiction. When you respond to North Korea, you're not supposed to sound like North Korea. Obama didn't respond to Putin's hacking by riding shirtless on horseback, even though everyone would've loved

Aug 10 2017 - Trump Presidency

This morning Trump seemed to double down on his remarks in a series of ominous tweets about the US nuclear arsenal. And it wasn't just that the content was ominous, but the way he posted

Aug 10 2017 - Nuclear weapons

Hey man, you can't put an ellipsis after a tweet about nuclear weapons. And look, he's probably doing it because he knows it's more dramatic this way, but for me, I'm just going to imagine that he's too exhausted to do two tweets in a row. Trump is talking tough on North Korea, but if this week has shown anything, it's that we have a president who is temperamentally unfit to deal with a situation like

Aug 09 2017 - Trump Presidency

President Trump this afternoon addressed the North Korean missile program and said if they continue to threaten the US, they will be met with 'fire and fury like the world has never seen'. Yeah, that ought to cool things

Aug 08 2017 - Trump Presidency

Trump is taking 17 days to get away from DC and relax, although he keeps insisting he's working. Meetings and calls sound like how an eight-year-old would describe an adult job. Now, we've already played many clips on this show of Trump criticizing then-president Obama for taking vacations and promising to never leave the White House himself if he won. In fact, we've played so many of those clips that we've run out. It's not like there are an infinite number of clips of Trump contradicting

Aug 08 2017 - Trump Presidency

To get the message out, his team has started posting so-called 'real news' videos talking about the administration's supposed accomplishments, like this one featuring former CNN contributor Kayleigh McEnany. God, that was like state news crossed with a school announcement. It's pizza day in the cafeteria, but you won't hear that from the failing New York

Aug 06 2017

I'm sorry, but John Kelly doesn't look like a guy you bring in 'to have a good time,' . John Kelly looks like a guy who introduces himself by saying, I'm not here to have a good

Aug 03 2017

A pair of New England Patriots players were kicked out of practice yesterday after getting into a fight during drills. Wow, even the New England Patriots hate the New England

Aug 02 2017 - Trump Presidency

Now admittedly, Trump did talk about God a lot during the campaign, but what he had to say about God was a real mixed

Aug 02 2017 - Trump Presidency

One moment that best illustrated Trump's unfamiliarity with the Bible was when he referred to Second Corinthians during a speech at Liberty University, but called it something else. Two Corinthians, like it's a sequel to an action movie. And according to a Politico article from April, aside from Trump attending church services on inauguration day, making an appearance at the National Prayer Breakfast, and going to service on Easter, there's no public knowledge of any other church services that Trump has

Aug 02 2017 - Trump Presidency

And that makes sense because Trump would hate church. It's an hour of people talking about someone other than

Aug 02 2017 - Trump Presidency

Now that he's president, Trump is realizing just how difficult the job is. He doesn't have much to show for: his health care bill failed, there's constant infighting and staff changes in the White House, and of course the Russia investigation continues to loom over him. And it's often in dark times like this that a man will turn to God. Not only is the Bible better than The Art of the Deal, it's also the opposite. The only thing they have in common is that Trump has never read either of

Aug 01 2017

Scaramucci had not limited his attacks on Priebus to public interviews. He also trashed him in private. According to the Daily Beast, two sources who had known Scaramucci for years say that he has privately called Priebus 'Reince Penis'. So it's official: the White House is a middle-school

Aug 01 2017 - Trump Presidency

He may have been quieter than most other Trump acolytes, but Reince Priebus was one of the president's most loyal supporters. He played a pivotal role keeping mainstream Republicans in line where most of the GOP was trying to rebel against Trump after he won the nomination. As you may recall, he lavished Trump with praised during his super-creepy cabinet meeting last

Aug 01 2017 - Trump Presidency

What really happened is on Friday, Priebus deplaned from Air Force One and got in an SUV with other staffers. While he was in the SUV, Trump tweeted that he had named a new chief of staff. According to Politico, other aides riding with him hopped into a different car once the tweet posted. His SUV separated from the motorcade and went on a rainy ride through Washington

Jul 28 2017 - LGBT

As we all know, Donald Trump has cast himself as a champion of the working class. But throughout his presidency, he's actually done very little to improve the lives of those working people. He's either done needlessly cruel things that nobody asked for, like banning transgender soldiers, or he's actively trying to make their lives worse by taking away their healthcare. But Trump thinks he can get away with it because he's billed himself as a crusader against the

Jul 26 2017

Scaramucci reportedly told his staff today, You're either going to stop leaking or you're going to get fired.' Replied the leaker, You can't fire me, I'm the

Jul 26 2017 - Trump Presidency

Trump spoke yesterday at the Boy Scouts jamboree and bragged about his election victory over Hillary Clinton. Every scout in attendance earned the merit badge for eye

Jul 26 2017

Newly appointed White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci announced that press briefings will be televised again, tweeting yesterday that 'tv cameras are back on'. Yeah, I bet they are. He did not work on his hair that long to go on the radio. He probably can't reach orgasm without at least two cameras on

Jul 19 2017 - EPA

If you've been following the recent saga of the Republican healthcare bill, which, once again, failed to get the necessary votes to pass, you might think the Trump administration isn't accomplishing anything. But there is one department, the EPA, that has actually been quietly implementing big changes, unfortunately for the benefit of a select

Jul 19 2017 - Pesticides

Several states are also challenging an even more troublesome decision Pruitt made to reverse a ban on the use of a pesticide that the EPA's own scientists have said could damage children's brains. And if we have to protect anything, it's the brains of our children, because when we don't protect their brains, they take meetings with Russian

Jul 19 2017 - Methane

The company that makes the pesticide in question has close ties to the White House. Dow's CEO, Andrew Liveris, heads up the White House manufacturing working group, and there he was, right by Trump's side, as he signed an executive order on reducing regulations across government agencies back in January. So the Trump administration is vehemently anti-leak, unless that leak is

Jul 18 2017 - Trumpcare

First he said it had nothing to do with the campaign, it was just a short introductory meeting about the adoption of Russian children. The next day he admitted the lawyer promised dirt on Hillary but said her statements were 'vague, ambiguous and made no sense'. The day after that he said the meeting was normal opposition research that 'went nowhere, but had to listen'. And then finally, after releasing all the emails, he insisted the meeting was fine because it 'occurred before the current Russian fever was in

Jul 18 2017 - Trumpcare

Okay, first of all, in vogue'? It's a criminal conspiracy to meddle in an election, not a '

Jul 18 2017 - Russia

The Russia scandal has engulfed the White House after last week's bombshell revelations that Trump's son Donald Trump Jr met with a woman described as a Russian government attorney promising dirt on Hillary Clinton as part of Russia and its government's support for Mr Trump. One Trump ally called it a category 5 hurricane and another White House official said, This is sum of all fears stuff, it's what we've all been dreading. Maybe you've been dreading it, but the rest of us have been waiting for it like the new season of Game of

Jul 18 2017 - Trumpcare

He changed his story four times in four days. That's like if your wife asks, Where were you last night?' and you said, I was at work, I was working at a coworker's house, at a friend's house, at a female friend's house, in a female friend's bed, but nothing came of

Jul 18 2017 - Iran

We are living on borrowed

Jun 30 2017 - Republican Party

So, Trump is already focused on 2020, and I guess in a way it makes sense, because he loves running for president, but he hates being president. And the reason he hates it is it's hard, as evidenced by the fact that the signature legislation of his presidency so far, the GOP healthcare bill, is one of the most unpopular pieces of legislation in recent

Jun 30 2017 - Trump Presidency

The bill is so unpopular that Trump is now at the point where he's promising a twist ending. Trump met with the World Series champion Cubs at the White House yesterday and for some reason he felt the need to interrupt those festivities and make a vague announcement about the healthcare bill. Because that's what you want when it comes to healthcare:

Jun 30 2017 - Trump Presidency

Republicans are frantically working behind closed doors to win over enough votes for their healthcare bill in the senate, giving themselves a deadline of tomorrow to get a deal done. But there's at least one big thing making that difficult: the fact that the president doesn't seem to know anything about

Jun 30 2017 - Trump Presidency

Donald Trump's first five months in office have been mostly a series of setbacks: from record-low approval ratings, to a rapidly escalating special counsel investigation, to the unraveling of his signature healthcare bill. But that hasn't stopped him from already looking forward to 2020 and benefiting himself financially in the

Jun 28 2017 - Trump administration

When asked about criminal justice reform in general, Trump seemed to have no idea what he was talking about. GEO Group also donated $100,000 to Rebuild America Now, a pro-Trump Super PAC. So now GEO Group has a contract to build the first new immigrant detention center under the Trump administration in Texas, set to open by the end of next

Jun 28 2017 - Trump Presidency

During the presidential campaign, Trump promised to bring back industries that were becoming obsolete or being phased out during the Obama administration, like the coal and steel industry. But one you probably heard less about is the for-profit private prison

Jun 28 2017 - Trump Presidency

President Obama's justice department last summer began to phase out the federal use of private prisons, also known as contract prisons. Unlike government-run prisons, these are for-profit private companies that have contracts with state and federal governments, which means that they need people to lock up, because unlike a government facility, private industry cannot survive without

Jun 28 2017 - Trump Presidency

These companies seem to be banking heavily on Trump. The United States already has a greater number of people behind bars than any country in the world. And if you're surprised that a private prison company donated to his inauguration, remember that his campaign slogans were 'build a wall' and 'lock her

Jun 22 2017 - Trump Presidency

And really, if this portrayal was offensive to anyone, it's Caesar. Caesar was beloved by the Roman Empire. To put it another way, he won the popular

Jun 22 2017

Senate Republicans have been engaged in one of the most shameless, breathtakingly cynical exercises in political history, writing a healthcare bill behind closed doors and not telling anyone what's in

Jun 22 2017

If you're curious why the Senate would go to such extraordinary lengths to keep their bill hidden from public view, it's because the bill they're working on is massively unpopular, and both Democrats and Republicans

Jun 22 2017 - Republican Party

You might remember that last month, after narrowly passing their healthcare bill in the House, Republicans held a giddy celebration in the White House rose garden with President Trump, who was so happy to finally get a bill passed, no matter how unpopular, that he could hardly contain himself. But since that ceremony, you've probably heard suspiciously little about the GOP healthcare plan, and apparently, that's by

Jun 22 2017

Remember, the bill is basically just a giant tax cut for the rich, paid for by taking health insurance away from millions of people. The House bill cut Medicaid spending by $880bn to give the wealthiest people a near trillion-dollar tax cut. The plan is so toxic just 8% of Americans think the Senate should pass the healthcare bill as is. Even The Mummy got a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. This bill is half as good as The Mummy. In fact, The Mummy might be the healthcare

Jun 20 2017 - Twitter

If an official White House statement is milk at a grocery store, Donald Trump's Twitter feed is the actual udder. And yet a member of Trump's legal team, Jay Sekulow, made the rounds on the Sunday shows and tried to act [as] if the President had not said what he said, resulting in the bizarre spectacle of news anchors trying to square Sekulow's claim that the president is not under investigation with Trump's own tweet that he is under

Jun 15 2017 - Republican Party

You know, we have a lot of fun at this show at Congress's expense, and it seems only fair they should be able to have some fun at times, which is what this annual baseball game is. And I don't often say this here on our show, but I will be pulling for the GOP so, good luck to all of

Jun 15 2017 - Republican Party

Also, I cannot believe that based on how members of Congress look that they play baseball instead of softball. I am absolutely stunned by that piece of news. I was sure that Congress was a chamber of softball

Jun 13 2017 - Uber

Haters and losers (stipulating that such terms are subjective, pursuant to relevant codes and libel laws) .feedback

Jun 13 2017

It's an upsetting play, but if there's a production of 'Julius Caesar' that doesn't upset you, you're sitting through a very bad

Jun 07 2017 - NSA

Four top law firms have turned down requests from the White House to represent President Trump during the Russia investigations. Man, how guilty do you have to be when a lawyer won't even take your case? Bill Cosby has a lawyer. OJ had, like, five of

Jun 07 2017 - NSA

The Department of Justice charged a federal contractor named Reality Leigh Winner yesterday with leaking classified materials to the press about Russia's meddling in the election. This is a confusing story so let me try to break it down: Reality Winner leaked information about a reality denier, who tried to influence the election to support a reality host who is detached from

May 26 2017 - Fox

Trump's idea of presidential is trying to get to the conference room before the free pizza is gone. Well, here's a sentence I never thought I'd say: thank you, Fox News, for telling us the

May 23 2017 - Trump Presidency

It's funny that you can almost feel that Donald Trump is out of the country. It's like when you're in school and your bully is out with the flu. He got the kind of royal treatment he thinks he deserves. It's like watching your grandpa do the electric slide at a wedding, but with a deadly weapon. First of all, whose favorite meal is steak with a side of ketchup? Is he a hobo from a cartoon? Second of all, you're an adult: eat what they serve you. He's a real nut job? You live in a jewelry box in the sky and write your name on your planes so you don't forget where you

May 23 2017 - Trump Presidency

Not only is Trump corrupt, but he's incredibly naive too. He actually thought firing the FBI director would take the pressure

May 21 2017

You want to tell people, stuff has happened in the last hour that you're probably not aware of. It's not as crazy as you're thinking, but also, it's crazier than anything that's ever happened up to this point. It's like, Oh, we'll do a piece about airline deregulation today – nope, no we will not, because that is no longer what anybody is talking about. If we're adding four pages of explanation, we'd probably think, Let's give this the full 24 hours to get to tomorrow's

May 17 2017

At least Sean Spicer was hiding in an office, and not the

May 17 2017 - Trump Presidency

Of course, it turns out the Russians didn't need to hack Hillary's email server. They were able to hack Trump's mouth. The password is: tell

May 17 2017 - Trump Presidency

That's like cutting out your victim's tongue and forgetting he can still write stuff

May 17 2017 - Trump Presidency

He had this ability to make famous people feel comfortable and go outside their comfort

May 17 2017 - Trump Presidency

I do think there's some nobility in trying to do a show for more people, as opposed to doing a show for less. After the hot takes are dead and gone, and the carcasses are strewn about, having fun is pretty undefeated as a way to spend your

May 08 2017

It's amazing, I will stress this, I did not care about other people's children, ever. I never

May 08 2017

The dog was the practice child. The dog has figured out that we care less about it, I will

May 08 2017

I'm so impressed with everything he does and talk about it

May 05 2017 - Obamacare

House Republicans today voted on and passed an Obamacare replacement bill without knowing how much it would cost. Though I'm not surprised – they also voted on an Obama replacement without knowing the

May 03 2017 - Trump Presidency

Now that Trump learned when Andrew Jackson died, how often do you think he's going to squeeze it into conversation? 'I was so sorry to hear about your mother, it's just like when Andrew Jackson died 16 years before the civil war started. Not a lot of people know that. My

Apr 27 2017 - U.S. National Security Adviser

President Trump unveiled his new tax plan today, and it's pretty much the same as his old plan. He's not going to pay

Apr 26 2017 - Twitter

I'm sorry, I shouldn't pick on him. I don't want to be a grammar

Apr 25 2017 - Trump Presidency

If this were a movie, it would be called 100 Dayz and Confused. Trump is so ignorant that he's ignorant of his own

Apr 25 2017

Trump's tweets are starting to sound like the fine print on a contest to win a free

Apr 25 2017 - Trump Presidency

Under Trump, our federal government is staffed as well as a Duane Reade on a Sunday

Apr 07 2017

I remember thinking there's nothing better than getting burned by Don

Mar 29 2017 - Russian probe

Steve Carell stars as a bumbling congressman turned spy in the new comedy High Nunes. The Dude and Trump have a lot in common. They both have bathrobes, both obsessed with their rugs and they both love White

Mar 22 2017

I strap their car seats into the five-point harness and then the car seats have a little harness and they have these cute

Mar 17 2017

You think Obama intentionally designed his signature piece of legislation to fall apart in six years? It's a healthcare bill, not a

Mar 17 2017 - Wiretapping

You're so paranoid about wiretapping that you talk like a mafia don, afraid the feds are

Mar 17 2017

Trump keeps losing and he doesn't seem to understand why he keeps

Mar 17 2017

How dead inside do you have to be to not want old people to get food? Your heart is so small, it makes your tiny hands look like catcher

Mar 15 2017 - Dutch elections 2017

You know you've really accomplished something when the guy who wrote 'Cujo' is no longer the scariest Stephen

Mar 15 2017

You're a 67-year-old man. All the babies are someone else's babies. We don't need to restore our civilization. We need to restore our

Mar 15 2017

Your district is 96 percent white. You're basically the manager of the world's largest Williams

Mar 13 2017

We can make him laugh, but now we feel like he has a fake cocktail-party laugh, that he doesn't actually think anything's funny, but he just sort of throws off this 'Ha ha ha,' . My son is totally napping, and as much as we feel Cycle for Survival is a big event and rare cancers are very important, we will not wake him up from a

Mar 13 2017

As exciting as 2008 was, this was one of the times where I was truly jealous not to be working at the show because it felt so vital and exciting. It's fun on our show when we do something like 'Oscar Bait' or a pre-taped piece or, like, go day drinking. It is nice to not be all Trump all the

Mar 06 2017

The truth is I can't stay up that

Nov 10 2016

I felt a lot of emotions last night and into today – some sadness, some anger, some fear, but I'm also aware that those are the same emotions a lot of Trump supporters felt, emotions that led them to make their choice, and it would be wrong for me to think my emotions are somehow more authentic than their

Nov 10 2016

We're always better as a society when we have empathy for one another ... so I would like to say to those Trump supporters: Congratulations. I sincerely hope that he addresses your concerns. I sincerely hope that, if you felt forgotten, he won't forget you

Nov 10 2016 - Trump-Putin

So I want to say to President-elect Trump: Congratulations. To Melania and the new first family,

Nov 09 2016

I have been wrong about him every step of the

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